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Monday, September 29, 2003

Random thought: One of my favorite things in the world is visiting Burgdorf's house and having his dad call me Kirsten(as in Dunst). What a nice man! Burgy, never let your dad see an optometrist, okay? Thanks!
posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 4:37 PM

Disclaimer: I did not go to the Delt house of my own will. My manly escorts were dropping by to talk to friends on our way back to the dorms. Remember that I am not dumb.
posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 2:17 AM

Girls at the Delt house are dumb. Have you not figured out that while your dancing with your other girls trying to get guys' attentions(which, by the way, is pointless since boys have ADD and they're only going to pay attention until they notice the girls next to you dancing together), other more intelligent and not nearly as nasty girls are actually talking TO the guys and dancing WITH them. Dumb. You are dumb party girls. Just a simple observation. Go to the 7-11 and pick up some self respect.
posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 2:07 AM

Sing a song, do a monologue, play piano, go out all night, take a nap, meet study group, hide in the study lounge...no matter how hard I try, I will still wake up at 7 am to a situation I don't want to deal with.

"A game of basketball?" Screw you.

Can jealousy be justified?

Where are the eloquent words all hiding? Marco...Polo...

If all a person wants in the world is to hear the Swedish Chef song, don't you think that's a reasonable enough request?

You get what you give, right? Life is too fair.
posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 1:34 AM

Saturday, September 27, 2003

The uncontrollable desire to find one's self in dreams...
posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 9:34 AM

I've often wondered if there was ever a song or a moment devoted simply to me.

Bitterness is not erased by revenge. It still leaves that weird chalkdusty swirl on the soul.

To compromise one's self is to sacrifice one's entire world. Never again.

When my heart races and no hand touches my skin, I wonder if your wandering mind and the memory of me might have collided.




posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 12:53 AM

Friday, September 26, 2003

Sometimes I don't remember to breathe.
posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 2:31 PM

Thursday, September 25, 2003

I am forgettable.

posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 3:24 PM

Friday, September 19, 2003

Forgive me Blogger for I have sinned. It has been too many days since my last confession...I mean blog. Whoops.

I am beginning to be unfaithful to the art of blogging. This concerns me, since I do enjoy it. I'll try to be better at this.

Well, this week has been interesting! Tuesday night I spent with my script analysis group from 8pm-4am working on our Hamlet project. What the heck? And we'll still probably get a ridiculously low grade on it. I tell you...that man!

Wednesday I went out with Deanna's sorority and watched Bringin Down the House. They're a fun group of girls! Definitely not the stereotypical sorority gals. Go Sigma Kappa! Deanna, it seems, is most definitely trying to recruit me for the spring. I'm thinking it over. This is a bad sign. Have I changed that much in four weeks? Afterwards part 1 of the Tom Green Marathon began. Sept 17 was officially announced as Tom Green Day in Muncie, IN. They even gave him a key to the city. WEIRD.

Thursday I went out with Deanna again. What fun! Old friends, new friends, good times. We ate at the buffet (pronounced buff-it) and had much fun. Colleen may be more senial than myself. This concerns me for her. Ran into Sarah, Maggie, Ryry, Ryan, and Timmy there. Awe! I miss them. Next week shall be devoted to fixing that.

I'm going HOME!!! Hurrah!!! Good travel times with Uncle Mark and Aunt Jana and the chilluns. I can't wait. I hope to get to the BOA competition on Saturday since my life is ridiculous and I may not be able to make it to state (what the heck).

Rachel called last night and we ignored our homework and talked for two hours. My lord, that girl is just the best friend I've ever had. She just gets it. I'm so thankful for her

Cass and I talked as well last night. I'm dying her hair this weekend (HURRAH!). I miss dying hair...particularly my own...*sniffle*

On to Hamlet...I'd best read Act III-V before the big test today and study some german. YAY!

It's not for the knowledge that we came to this college~ Deanna, Amber, and various Sigma Kappas
posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 11:20 AM

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Going out with Deanna and some girls from her sorority tonight. This seems rather unlike me, but it's a much better alternative for a Wednesday night than Math Applications Chapter 7. I have until 1 tomorrow to do that anyhow...right?

Had an interesting time last night. I'll write about that later. I've got to go emerge myself in a room full of estrogen right now. Um...yah...I'm sure that'll make an interesting entry.

Only fools are satisfied. ~Burgdorf
posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 6:51 PM

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Is anyone else aware that there's a strange man hiding in the Wood lounge? Maybe it's just me, but that seems a little strange.
posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 3:07 PM

Sunday, September 14, 2003

Sundays are wonderful days. The day of rest. That God fellow sure is clever.

Well, change of plans! I ended up having a wonderful, fun-filled weekend! My brother Eric came and visited. We watched Zoolander and ran amock in Muncie for a while before crashing early Saturday morning. Then we went out to breakfast with Amber at IHOP. Memories. Awe(Rachel-damn odd numbers!!). After IHOP, the three of us hung out downloading hillarious songs and movies in my room. Then, we transfered over to Amber's living quarters for a while to relax. Mud volleyball was after that...what a treat! Our team was pretty killer for losing! ;) We had tons of fun even though The Pony stomped us. And hurrah for mud fights! I'm really glad Amber and Eric came to watch. They made me feel special. Especially when I scored 5 points in one match with my amazing serving technique!! Amber departed shortly after the game and Eric and I had a lovely walk/conversation. I miss him a lot. I hope things work out well for him. I scored a good your mom joke on a stranger as well...inquire if necessary!

After a lot of showering, I went to Greeks pizza with Maggie, Vaughn*, Timmy, Amanda*, Luke, Sarah, Ryry*, Amber*, and Andy*. The food was fantastic! Too bad Luke's a hog and took it all home. Ha...jk. It was a lot of fun, and for only 6 bucks! Who knew good food would be so cheap? We lost Amber* and Andy* to a party as well as Ryry* to studying and headed over to Maggie and Sarah's for two movies(Phone Booth and Dogma) where we were joined by Rob*, Ryan*, Adam*, Matt* and Mato*. Who knew that many people could fit in a Z-shape room? At about 2:00 hunger struck and we had to venture on foot down to Riverside to visit the hotdog man. Rob*, Adam*, Vaughn*, Ryan*, Luke, and Amanda* took off at this time. After waiting in line for an hour with drunken college students, I was about spent. The food made up for it though. That was the best hot dog ever. On to La Follette where we crashed in on Eric*, Danny*, and Maggie #2*. We were soon joined by Digits(Chad)* and three of his friends. For 3am I was suprised at how creative we were to be able to fit that many people into a dorm room. Good thing guys don't bring as much senseless stuff. Hurrah! I finally got home at about 5am. What a night. Joy of joys; life can be enjoyable in Muncie sometimes!

* denotes new friend

Despite a fun night, I have started the application process to UE. It's time to make a change.

Rachel called amidst the hubbub of lastnight/this morning. I felt very bad, because it was impossible to have a conversation with a gazzillion people in one room. Tssk tssk. I'll have to remember to call her tonight and have a meaningful chat. I'm so proud of the band! Go sweepstakes winners ;). I'm out...gotta shower, gotta meet my study group, gotta do my homework!

To the batcave...
posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 4:48 PM

Friday, September 12, 2003

Mmmm...just got up from a nap...mmm...good.

Last night I put the finishing touches on my letter to Mr. Minnis. I should have sent it a long time ago, but it wasn't just right. Now it is. I'm sending it tomorrow when I find time to run it over to the post office. I hope he forgives me of my past-due-idness.

Rachel and I are so vain...it's hillarious. We're so good for us! Ha! Everyone, try being vain for a day. You'll feel so much vain. Don't exploit it!

Well, today was thrilling! I went to acting to discover the pest had been exterminated! I feel I can now enjoy that class fully. Hurrah! Did my music memory today. I did end up using More Than Words and talking about my daddy. I did end up crying infront of strangers. More importantly, I felt for the first time in a long time. Thanks Kate Jordan. You're my lifesaver.

Stagecraft...hmmm...I learned a lot about hinges and adhesives today! That'll comd in handy someday, I'm sure!

Lunch with Rie was so much fun! She took me to this awesome Mexican resturaunt that was not only reasonably priced, but quick and delicious as well. Go authentic...there's no other way to leave satisfied! I think Rie and I could turn out to be good friends.

German...was? Was ist das? Das ist...a test. That's right. On Monday. I plan on studying this and Math for the majority of my weekend.

"Now, Jeni, why would you do that? It's the weekend. Why would you miss out on all the fun that you could have?" Well, my friend, if you'll kindly look at the time when I post, you'll notice it's already Friday night and I'm typing in my blog. So, what does that make you assume? Correct. I have no Friday night plans. The same goes for the rest of the weekend minus the volleyball tourney tomorrow and my brother coming in town tonight. That's right. For the first time in my life, I'm not being swamped with phonecalls and too many plans to fit in a day. I hate not being chased.

On to Hamlet...beat, unit, scene, act, play...wholeness of action. Got that? That's what I learned today in script analysis. This is an hour class. This would seem to me to fall under the catagory of "not good." Wish me happy thoughts.

Eric is coming to visit tonight. I wonder if he's staying here...lol. If he is, I should clean. I will as soon as my roommate gets out of here.

OH! That reminds me! Anyone want to play a rousing game of "Guess what time my roommate got in from Thursday night's parties!!!" You in the front row! That's right! 7a.m.! You get absolutely nothing! Thanks for playing...we'll be back again next Friday!

Gotta get through this.
posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 7:57 PM

Thursday, September 11, 2003

I love Thursdays. All days should start at 1. Let me think...I had stagecraft lab from 1-3 today....that was fun! They let me play with POWERTOOLS! And we're not just talking screw guns, kiddos. No...it was most definitely a jig saw day. How crazy is that?? Don't they know I'm a hazard to their health? Anyway. I had a lot of fun with my partner Rie. She's a lot of fun. Tomorrow we're going to go grab lunch at some Mexican resturaunt after stagecraft. I owe her 6 bucks since she bought me a coke today and loaned me some money for tonight's cast party.

I don't get math. That is all.

The cast party tonight was sort of fun. I'll talk about that in a minute. I have to add a random adventure in first.

So, I get a call from Maggie today, and it turns out that the teams for this mud volleyball tourney have to put in so much volunteer time per team doing none other than, that's right, making the mud. SICK! So from 5:30-6, I stomped around in a knee-deep pit of muck making sure the mud was the perfect amount of disgustingness. One of our varried and ever so difficult jobs was to pull the large chunks of concrete out of this pit of nasty so that no one took a nose dive into Pike's Peak. It reminded me of what an explosion of that star wars guy (Jabba the Hut?) would have looked like. Yah...it was gross.

On to the cast party!! There's definitely a vein of people that I get along with better than the others. I bowled with Angela, Leif, Brian, and Whitney. These people are much more real and less show-offy than the rest of the cast, though I am starting to like the rest of them a little more. I just feel very much on the outside. A lot of them have classes together, though. So, that's understandable. Strangely enough, a lot of them are musical theatre. Huh. I wish...anyway!

While we were bowling, All the Things She Said played right as Kate and I were discussing the music memory exercise that I've managed to avoid so far. I most definitely thought of Rachel when that came on...I wish she were here to be a part of all this craziness. I think I would be dealing better if she was.

I love Burgdorf. He just knows. He understands. He's wonderful...go him.

Jason Mraz is coming to BSU on Oct 31....I'm thinking about going...but maybe not. I mean, he's great and all, but without Sondre I don't think I'd enjoy it as much. I did like freaking out his guitar player though...hahahaha. Blessid Union of Souls will be here Nov 21. What great entertainment!!

So, I think I'm changing my music memory song again to More Than Words...and I think I'll talk about my daddy. I think that would be good. I love my daddy. He is More Than Words.

I miss Allison and Jeff. I think we should all get a house together and have grand times. Mmmm....so...yah. I'll work on that guys.

Oh, I've already lost 1/5 of the freshman 15(for those of you not in math applications, that's 3 lbs.). WHOO!

posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 9:01 PM

to see silver in your dream symbolizes the moon, intuition, and the feminine aspects of yourself.

to see dishes in your dream represents ideas, concepts, and attitudes. it may also be a sign for what you are "dishing" out to others. if the dishes are dirty and unwashed, then it signifies dissatisfaction and an unpromising outlook. you may have overlooked some problems in your life or you have not confronted your emotions.

Never forget...9-11.


posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 10:04 AM

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

Laura Bennett told me to make time for God and he'll make time for me. I believe it. Last night when I went to Bible study, I got some sort of gift of energy that lasted until 5:00p.m. today. Thank goodness or I never would've gotten through the day.

I miss having music as part of my life everyday. A few days ago, I pulled out my clarinet and played some scales and such. It was relaxing. I wish I had more time to do stuff like that. I'd like to learn how to play my guitar. I want to play piano again. I want to have time to sing correclty daily and not just wailing to my playlists while getting ready in the morning. I listen to people in the musical theatre program singing in the halls or in their rooms (my room perhaps?), and I wonder why I'm not in that program? I know I'm not the world's greatest dancer, but I know I've got better foundation training than a lot of them. Who cares if you can immitate famous signature singers? You're not them...you're you. Find your own voice.

That's my new moto: find your own voice.

Above the door to the Oracles of Delphi, it said "Know Thyself." Oedipus was too proud and too stubborn. He thought he could escape his fate, but did not know himself. This led to his downfall.

I miss Ragtime. I miss feeling like I was important to the equation of something greater.

I want a diet coke more than anything in the world right now. I've given up caffeine here amongst many other little pleasures. I think I have to give up cashews as well. We always keep them in the room, and they're just too tempting. Not good. I can't afford the freshman 15, unless it's coming off. I think I'll work on the latter of those two.

Ich liebe deutcsh.

Why not me? I'm making a t-shirt.

"...longing for my youth..." ~Jessica
posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 10:57 PM

Mmm...tired....worked...so hard...on project. Should an assignment really take from 5 p.m.-3a.m. to complete?? I don't think so. Reality check, Michael...thanks!

Today was weird. I feel so behind all the time. Like I'm running after something and it never gets closer...kind of like a treadmill...sick. Haven't seen one of those for a while. Wish I had time to work out here. Perhaps that'd lower the stress level.

FINALLY talked to Rachel again last night....we're so awesome! I wish other people could experience the kind of awesomeness we exude when we combine our powers. Okay...it's late. Don't blame me; blame Oedipus. Damn incestual bastard. No really! He was!

I thought of Charlotte's Web today...how funny is that? Oh...I was so naive and innocent then. Life. You change so quickly. How, in five years, did things nearly reverse themselves?

I'm not thinking oh so clearly due to the lateness of the hour. Here were today's highlights.

Freshman Experience- free counseling for everyone!!!! HURRAH!
Stagecraft Lab- I felt so useful...that's a change around here. No wonder crew kids are more balanced than actors.
Math- I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Talked to Tim about my unhappiness here. He's convinced me to reaudition for Webster and hope to not get my heart crushed again. Gotta work on those monologues, I suppose. Still thinking about U of E very much so. Gotta sit down and have a chat with the parentals about all this sometime soon. Btw, I heart Tim.

Hmmm...joined the Theatre and Dance Bible Study tonight...met some cool people! One knows Jamie from back in the days at Brown County Playhouse, and strangely enough, I remembered him *shudder*. I can't even remember what classes I have tomorrow. I think that's more due to my friedness of the noggin though. Um...I love God...yay! We're going to study John...this shall be interesting. Did you know John (the disciple, not the Baptist) was only 13 when he first joined Jesus? WOW...so young. I wish I could be more like him.

Tomorrow I have to do my music memory thing...which I still haven't practiced...oops. Um...so that'll be interesting. I hope that goes well. I thought about skipping my morning classes and making up the sleep I've lost tonight, but then I thought that'd be irresponsible, because I'm still blogging at 3:21. Maybe I should stop. Tomorrow/today is another/same day. WEIRD...

Too much for me...I'm out like a lightbulb.
posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 3:29 AM

Monday, September 08, 2003

Monday, Monday...lala la lala...

Why is it that I dread all of my classes most directly related to my major? I fear failure. I fear letting people down. I already know some people are disappointed in me for not getting into a more established program...the very person who helped get me my first role, in fact(That's okay...I'm disappointed in him for not figuring out how to be true to himself yet). I want to be better... no, I want to be the best. Is there a best? Michael says there are good answers and better answers, no right or wrong. Is it possible that there are just good actors and better actors. Is there a best? Can I ask that question again and be a little more redundant?

For some reason I thought of my conversation with Jonah this weekend. I wish I could remember more of it. He's a very genuine person. I believe that he would be a great actor if he gave it a go. I hope I remembered to tell him that. Genuine people make wonderful on stage performers, I feel, because they have fewer protective walls to break down and can build characters from the core. I want to find my core again.

I almost lost it today in Acting Class. We were doing music memory(we've discussed this before), and everything people said just got to me. They were so real...exposing their souls with no reservations. I was so choked up, I couldn't even make comments. I hope Kate doesn't think I'm not participating. It's exactly the opposite. Morgan's story about her best friend reminded me of Rachel...absence makes the heart grow fonder. I wish there were words to say thank you...but all I can think of is "Danke Shoen."

My parents called...I miss them a lot. Dad always gets choked up when we talk...it makes my heart swell so that it could burst. I'm so lucky I have had so much love in my life. Mom and I email frequently, so it's less of a shock when we talk. Eric is coming to visit this weekend...he has an alterior motive I think...dun dun DUN. I adore my brother though. Even if he is coming to see Stacia as well. Again, a blessing.

I've found that the less contact you have with human beings, the more special moments become when you share them with people. I think in the past, I took for granted the time I had with friends. There was a wealth of them from band, choir, theatre, classes, middle school... from all over the place. I'll never do that again. I'm trying to not put off calling people back anymore. You never know when you'll have to move away, and they'll make new friends and stop waiting around for you to answer your voicemails. Lesson learned. Thank you.

I thought of Laura Jo today when thinking about Jonah(refer to snippet number three). She's very genuine and so talented. I wish I had gotten to know her better. C'est la vie...ce n'est pas bonne(In honor of Mademoiselle Schuster).

EVSC folks...I miss them. It was odd this summer...Ragtime was the best experience I ever had being in a show, so I don't regret my decision at all. The people there were equally wonderful. Certain things just aren't replaceable though. I don't like growing apart from people. I miss the Ragtimers too. If it were possible, I would go back and change a lot of things. I don't feel like I got to know people as fully as I could have had other things not distracted me. I did learn a lot though. Someone taught me how much I was worth. I learned not to compare people and situations to things in the past. It's not their fault someone else hurt you. I learned that promises mean nothing. Actions are everything. Age does matter. Jealousy is a strong thing. Sometimes advice ruins things more than it helps things. Don't compain about things. If you don't like them, initiate a change or pipe down. How did this rant stem from my missing people?

I ran into Deanna today...that was so surreal. It's strange not seeing someone for three years and then BAM...hmm. I remember the good ol' days of marching band...She's changed a lot, but still such a great person.

Had lunch with Jeremey, Maggie, Sarah, and Timmy...how ecclectic. I really enjoy my mud volleyball team! They're such a great break from the drama(no pun intended) of everyday life. What a treat!

Got an A on my first script analysis quiz. How? I don't know...I really need to have a talk with that man. I've never been more lost in my life. Maybe I'm not cut out for all this technical stuff.

I think I lied. I was more lost once, but that day involved the Corolla (oh, Corby...I miss you so), Jeff, Allison, a chipped tooth, starburst necklaces, near riots, Jason Mraz, and most importantly Sondre Lerche...what a gem. I didn't mind being lost for a while to experience the rest of those things. Good does come out of bad. You just have to look at life horizontally instead of vertically.

Once upon a time, a girl wrote poems. Then she stopped writing because it hurt too badly. Then she met an awesome person through a ridiculous class assignment that left them at the library together for hours. He relates to her feelings about poetry. She may start writing again. The end.

Or is it?

posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 4:48 PM

Sunday, September 07, 2003

Today was the perfect end to a wonderful weekend with friends. Jeff and I journeyed to Muncie together listening to old concert band music...memories...

Speaking of memories, I haven't done my assignment for Kate's acting class yet. Select a song that brings an emotional memory to mind...must not be longer than four minutes...I'll do that later.

I think I'll take a liking to Blogging...it's very freeing.

I talked to Christopher for about a millisecond tonight. My computer is being a rebellious preteen right now or something of that nature. The fleeting conversation reminded me of how much I miss talking with him. Life is funny like that.

The other Chris and I chatted tonight...it made me think a lot about life. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but he made me think. Quite an accomplishment, if I do say so myself.

I think I've finally found someone here who gets me(Hurrah, Dane!).I thought that would never happen! I'm not adjusting well to life at BSU. It just doesn't feel right. Maybe that will fade with time. I've been thinking about looking into U of E and taking from Mr. Hoover and Chris Tyner. I can't even begin to imagine the kind of things I could learn from those two. Besides, I'm begining to realize that I should be thinking less about getting far, far away to learn things and start caring more about who I can learn the most from. To be continued...

I miss Jeff and Allison already, and I just got back to Muncie. They make life so wonderful! I miss the Racheler too. I want a Mr. Misty night so badly. Perhaps I can make it home for a visit soon. Life without your best friend is depressing.

I didn't think I would ever be the person I am. Is that good or bad...I don't know.

I wish life had road maps or "you are here signs." I wish there were more old friends where the "you are here" stars are. I miss lots of people so badly right now. You never know how good you have it until it's not there anymore. Cliche, yes. But do you know why cliches exist? You got it. Because they're true.

I miss going to work everyday. Is that strange? I wouldn't mind being a secretary for the rest of my life. I thought about being an optometrist for a while after Rachel mentioned it, and then I remembered I can barely get my own contacts in...how could I ever touch other people's eyeballs? I am still mulling over picking up deaf education as another major. Dad says assistants are needed badly in big citis to help hearing impaired people. I just want to make a difference.

Eyes are so beautiful. All summer I got to look at them, and I'm still fascinated by them. Kate talked in acting on Wed. about how eyes are the window to the soul...I'm not sure if I believe that. I distinctly recall a pair of steel blue eyes that seemed to promise the world...they couldn't even promise the summer though. Beauty is fleeting.

My heart aches tonight. I'm not sure why. I had such a fun weekend..."SASSY!" Awe...Allison. Funny how you think you're finally going to be okay, and then you have to start all over again. Someday I'll make it though. Until then...


posted by The Impossibly Cute One on 11:19 PM